Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Cry More Now

I have noticed that since I have become a mama that ordinary things touch me differently & I look at everything through a different lens. This results in everyday-things bringing tears to my eyes. At first these occurrences could've been attributed to postpartum hormones. But I doubt I can use that excuse any longer.

Here are a couple things that touch me differently that B.B. (Before Bethany) really wouldn't have affected me in a greatly emotional way.

One: the birth of Jesus. A little bit ago I was reading Bethany’s bible to her and I read this story. Not only did it put tears in my eyes…but I was choking on the words. For the first time I understood what Mary felt; but I also know the fate of Jesus. I couldn’t fathom that for my own child. How could she?

Two: TV shows. Sometimes things happen on tv shows that wouldn’t have affected me before. But NOW when a kid gets kidnapped on a tv show I am feeling so much pain for their mom as she cries out for his safe return.

Three: Country & Christian songs are the worst at activating my tear ducts!
  • One I heard in church & then on the radio was called "I Saw God Today" by George Strait. (video is here.) I made me reminisce about being pregnant & the birth of Bethany....how I wanted it all to be over with. But why? What was the rush? Each second of it was a second to be cherished.

  • Another song is. I mentioned a previous song by Steven Curtis Chapman, “Cinderella”. (video is here.) (FYI which, was written about his 2 youngest daughters…one of which recently died in a horrible accident…how heartbreaking.) This reminds me of how fast Bethany is going to grow up & how I may want her to get to the next milestone fast. But what's the rush. I only get 18 years with her. Why wish for it to go any fast than it already is.

  • A song came on the radio the other day. It was called “Stealing Cinderella” by Chuck Wicks (video is here.). This song takes the same premise from a new perspective. It reminded me that Bethany is growing up really fast and that some day someone one is going to come along and “steal” her away from us. But after reflecting on that fact for a while; I realized that is exactly what we should want. We should feel really blessed if we raise her well enough so that someone else loves her unconditionally. That is when we know we have been successful parents.
Overall, all the tears are worth it.

After all they are tears of joy, pride and love. There is nothing wrong with that.


robin said...

I love nap time pictures. Wait until you have crazy prego hormones on top of what you already feel. I don't think I have cried so much in my entire life!